Friday, 27 December 2013

The Year I Became A Husband & An Artist...


The train came to a sudden halt. Everyone on board was slightly jerked to one side.
This woke me up. I don't know how long I was asleep for, but this was my stop - Green Park. Thank God I hadn't missed it! I rushed out the carriage before the doors closed.

I checked the time. Ten minutes past midnight. Hopefully I could still catch the last train home on the Piccadilly Line. I'd been doing this so long that I'd lost track of time. It was like one long dream. I had worked another 14 hour shift at the office, video editing to meet yet another deadline. At home, I had a post-midnight snack and about 5 hours of sleep awaiting me before the whole cycle would start again. 

I was so tired.

As I walked through the station, I passed a barrage of posters all along the walls. A particular one caught my eye. It was advertising the release of some new albums. On there I saw albums from the likes of Nicki Minaj, Rihanna and Rick Ross. My heart hurt...it was reminded of my lingering desire to also record and release music. It was something I couldn't quite shake...I felt I had albums inside me that needed to be featured on these posters. I was low because I didn't feel I was operating in my full potential. Somewhere inside me was this super hero artist with amazing powers to help change the world, but he was being surpressed by my Clark Kent act. We all know Clark is Superman. But what good is it being Superman if Clark never lets him out? In this super hero's absence, Metropolis had to put up with a continual stream of highly sexual, expletive, socially unconscious messages packaged in great sounding music.

Hi, my name is Nicki, Roman, Marta and a whole bunch of other names!
You may know me from songs such as 'Stupid Hoe' and 'Whip It'. 
Hey, it's Rozay! And I just landed in Europe N****! %&@&^*%£*£!$ Yeah baby!!!
It's ya girl Rihana! Common Rude Boy Boy...
Sorry folks, no Superman here today! Just meee...mild mannered Clark Kent!  
And then there was my relationship. I had been with my girlfriend for almost 4 and a half years. I had known for a while, that the time was right to marry her. I had even gone to see her dad a few weeks ago for his blessing and he had given his full support. But her finger was still ringless and no wedding planning was yet taking place. 

I was so tired.

I didn't have much money and I was doing a lot of running around trying to earn just about enough to survive. I was like that player on the tennis court running frantically back and forth across the court to hit the ball back to my opponent. The only problem was that the opponent had the upper hand. They were relaxed and stationary whilst I was panting like a dog about to drop dead from exhaustion. At any moment, I knew I would miss the ball and everything would come crashing down. 

Life pressures got me doing the splits on the tennis court just to keep up!
Most of my time was spent jumping at any and every freelance job that came my way and then chasing up invoice payments for clients who wouldn't pay on time. I had just moved out my mum's place, was now paying rent and feeling a lot more the squeeze of adult responsibilities. I didn't know how I was going to finance a wedding and be able to look after my wife once we settled down.   

So there I was - with all these BIG plans, but zero confidence in my ability to deliver in any of them. And did I mention I was tired too?...


And

Then

Came

Change.

I was right to have zero confidence in my own ability to make these things happen. I had so much potential locked up in me...but it was impossible to get everything right and ideal before I made my moves. 

I had to change first. 

I spent nights literally on my knees and at the end of my rope crying out to God for help. Point blank, I told him I didn't have it all together. If these desires he had put in me were to come true, then HE had to help make them happen! I came to him with everything - the good, the bad and the ugly. I laid it all at his feet. I surrendered. 

Ok Jesus, you got me! I surrender.
So how did it all go down after that???

Well I can't fully detail every single thing that happened after that (because it's so much!!!), but I will give the highlights... 

After much prayer and fasting, I started experiencing a shift in my mind. I pulled back from events to see what was really going on from a birds eye view. I saw the tennis game I was loosing in. I was playing the game very hard, but not effeciently. I put the desire to be a husband and look after my soon-to-be wife at the end of the finish line. I made sure I had this clear in sight and let it help guide my business decisions. This course led me to discover my worth and begin to shake off opportunities that were more of the time wasting kind and not shy away from having direct conversations with clients about money where necessary. 

Also, even though I knew I needed more money, I realised that my time was far more precious a commodity. If I could regain control of it and allocate it appropriately, I could get back to a better position in this tennis match. I could work smart, and not just hard. My time had to be invested into what I knew I had always been called to be - an artist.

There were a million and one reasons why I shouldn't have become an artist. I wasn't on a label, I didn't have crazy finances, I lacked confidence, I didn't have a huge following, etc. 

But there was only one reason I had to be an artist - because I was made to be one. 

Simples. 

This single reason was enough to push through the excuses and just take those first steps with what I had. And upon taking those first steps to do the best I could with this gift, I was met along the way by some fantastic people who believed in the gift and vision so much they rolled up their sleeves to help make the dream reality! 

I eventually got an engagement ring (that I could afford...and it was perfect), I proposed to my girlfriend, went through the bumpy road of planning a wedding with her in 7 months, saw finances come, go and come again at just the right times, became more resourceful and effective in carrying out my video production services, invested more time and loads of energy into recording my debut album, got back to public performances, got married (what an amazing day!) and eventually finished recording my album. Whew! 

The night I proposed to JenaƩ - New Years Eve 2012!
Our traditional marriage ceremony! That's right, I kind of got married
a week before the official wedding...in my jeans!
Straight after the ceremony, I went out to do a late night video edit job!
    Our wedding day!             
Recording my debut album, 'My Great Transition' with J.O. in the studio.

Recording #Christmas in the studio with The Outlanders.

Performing at Vocals & Verses: The Peoples' Choice

Performing at my 1st official headlining gig - An Exclusive Evening With Mr. K

A year later, sitting down to write this blog, it's just mind blowing! I'm in such a different space to that guy who was coming off that midnight train! What an amazing transitioning it has been! I just want to encourage anyone reading this who is in an overwhelming space in life...it doesn't have to stay like that. Change can happen. But that change has to first take place with you. Lay everything down (including your excuses) and focus on this one thought - who did God make you to be? To discover your creator and connect back with him is to discover your real purpose and walk in it. Trust me when I say storms WILL come. They will come whether you are moving in your purpose or not...so why not face them at least knowing you're fulfilling all your potential? 

Side note - if anyone wants to talk with me further on any of these issues, feel free to hit me up in the comments section below or mrkpoetry@gmail.com. I'm always up for a good discussion!

And in other news, click here if you wanna hear snippets from the soon to be released album, 'My Great Transition'! 


Peace, Love & Spoken Word Finger Clicks!

Love y'all!!!

Mr. K

3 comments:

  1. This gave me life!
    Love it!! :D :D
    Certainly, following one's purpose and being the individual God made you to be must be the most fulfilling and fun thing to do!
    It's just scary laying it all down in the first place. What gave you the courage to let go and let God? How did you 'know' to become an artist was your purpose?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Anonymous! Funky name by the way! ;)

      You definitely hit the nail on the head when you used the words 'fulfilling', 'fun' and 'scary'. Following your purpose is all those things!!!

      How did I know being an artist was my purpose? I begun to stumble onto that path when I was removed the furthest from it - studying a Chemistry degree in uni. Something in me kept kicking out against going in that direction. Paying more attention to that 'something' shed more light on understanding myself and my gifting. I could write, I loved to perform and 24/7 my heart was consumed with making a life changing impact in other lives. Putting it all together has led to this moment in time.

      It is scary, but what is even more scary is the thought of laying on my death bed full of so many regrets for not living the life I knew that I knew I was supposed to live!

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    2. That's a wonderful response. Thank you!
      Indeed we must exit earth with the legacy God destined us to leave.
      If it kept crossing your path then you were certainly right to take a hint and follow it. All the best in making your dreams come to light, God will certainly grant you the favour needed at all times.
      Bear in mind Matthew 6:25 and onwards. Your purpose achieved will outweigh the sweat of every obstacle!
      You've already inspired me, keep up the good work.
      *focussed, fearless, fulfilled*

      And funky name indeed haha, I'll keep it that way :D

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